


mistletoe

by Crashingcovex



Category: Captain Harlock
Genre: Christmas, Christmas fic, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sappy as fuck, Smoochies, Tochilock, Wtf gay little pirates, corny as all hell, feedback appreciated ig, i just want them 2 b happy 2gether dude, sorry if this sucks, sowwy, tochihar, uhhh yeah I still haven’t learned how to write, whatever their ship is even called dude
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:07:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27881226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crashingcovex/pseuds/Crashingcovex
Summary: under the mistletoe and in the wake of an argument, Tochiro and Harlock’s relationship changes.
Relationships: Harlock (Captain Harlock)/Oyama "Tochiro" Toshiro
Kudos: 6





	mistletoe

**Author's Note:**

> hello I still suck at writing . but I want that sweet tochilock content so. Please feel free to tell me what is terrible abt this because honestly I kinda wanna improve at writing? For some reason my brain just goes haywire whenever I try to write. wack  
> Sorry my works r never very long :,)

Festivities aboard the Arcadia, as to be expected, weren’t quite the same as they were on earth- But the makeshift pirate family certainly made do with what they had in space. Being cooped up for so long, and being engaged in near-constant combat between interplanetary travel took its toll on them. Holidays and celebrations were vital to boost both morale and spirits. 

The day before had already certainly been packed- Christmas Eve was eventful, with Revi falling ill with fever, and Harlock’s own messy spat with the Deathshadow bringing up agonizing past traumas- along with the death of Revi’s father. Everything weighed so heavy that morning on Harlock’s shoulders as he made his way to the brush- He could feel that dark, dreadful feeling still lingering from the prior day’s events- he did his best to push it away. 

On top of that, these feelings. New ones. They’d been there from the beginning, and he’d managed to push them away until recently, when they’d threatened to come bursting out. He’d reflected upon his relationship with Tochiro, and refused to acknowledge to himself these new ones forming. There was no room for romance in the situation they were in, and definitely no reciprocation from Tochiro, Harlock thought. 

He hugged himself tightly with a grimace, slipping silently past the kitchen, where he knew the rest of the crew was beginning their morning. He heard their laughter and chatter from the corridor, but he kept walking. They’d probably be looking for him- but he needed a moment. Many moments, maybe. Perhaps he’d prefer a moment alone with Tochiro, but part of him didn’t want to drag the little man from the festivities- he deserved to relax and have fun. They all did, really. 

The doors to the bridge parted with a fish of air. Thankfully, it was vacant, leaving their posts empty and only the faint hum of machinery in place of human voices. But other than that, the bridge had been adorned with Christmas decor- fuzzy sparkling garlands wrapped around poles, even one nestled just below the helm- which had been adorned with a red ribbon at its center. Strips of lights twinkled in the starry gloom, and even a small “tree”- a wooden ladder adorned with a green garland and complete with handmade ornaments- stood to the far right. he smiled in amusement. Revi, Kei and Tadashi must’ve tuckered themselves out doing this all in one night- after all, they hadn’t had much time to do it sooner, due to other distractions. 

Harlock turned to his chair, ready to sit down and have a moment alone, when the bridge doors opened again and startled him. He braved himself to face an onslaught of noise from the crew he didn’t think he could handle right now- however, thankfully, it was only Tochiro.

“Harlock!” Tochiro breathed with relief, approaching him. “Are you ok? I thought you’d come to breakfast with everyone...” the shorter man’s eyes were full of worry as he regarded his friend, raising a hand to rest on Harlock’s forearm. Clearly, he was more concerned than just about breakfast. 

A warm admiration and affection softened the captain momentarily. Harlock felt deeply comforted by his friend’s gesture and mere presence, and it made him want to open up to him. He wanted to talk about all that had happened- he knew Tochiro would always be a shoulder for him to cry on if need be. But he wasn’t sure if he could ever live with letting himself be seen like that. 

Harlock shook his head to clear his thoughts. “I was just taking a look up here to make sure it was alright.” He said, forcing his tone to be light. 

Tochiro clearly didn’t buy it. “Alright, but... Harlock, talk to me. I just.. wanna make sure you’re going to be okay.” 

Harlock swallowed hard. “I..” his voice cracked painfully. “I just-yeah. I’m okay.” He the words out from over the lump in his throat, straightening up a little as if to reinforce his words.

Tochiro moved closer, a hand on each forearm now, pulling his friend down slightly to his heigh and looking him in his eye. “I like to think I know you well, Harlock. And I know you’re in bad shape. You need a rest- you deserve to relax.” He tugged a little bit on his friend, trying to lead him to the door. “The crew probably wants to see you too.” 

Harlock panicked slightly, digging his heels in as his friend attempted to move him. “I-not right now, okay? I need a bit. I... I have so much to sort out. So many feelings-“ he cut himself off with a sigh. 

Tochiro stopped, blinking up at him sadly. When he spoke again, his voice was soft, careful. “It’s Christmas, Harlock. It’s a really good time in there- and I know you’d have fun. I- leaving you alone right now doesn’t seem like what a good friend would do.” 

Emotions, for once, threatened to overwhelm Harlock. He felt he was losing control of them- they were surging up from the deepest, most secret and secured part of his heart. Other feelings, new feelings for Tochiro as well, threatened to overwhelm him. It was so much. He didn’t know if he could be around tochiro right now, lest they spill out and ruin their friendship. He felt that inexplicable tug to push, push people away- even tochiro, because there was no way he could ever let his best friend know how he felt about him. How much MORE he felt about him. That mixed with the trauma, the sadness, threatened to knock him sideways.

“A good friend... would leave me the fuck alone.” Harlock wasn’t sure why he said it, he wasn’t sure why he’d let his rage be directed at his closest person. and he was smacked with instantaneous guilt as Tochiro’s expression fell. 

“A-alright.” Tochiro stammered, clearly just as shocked as Harlock himself at the hurtful words. Tochiro didn’t argue, and he didn’t get angry. He simply turned and left, just as Harlock wanted. 

Harlock couldn’t bare to lift his gaze from the floor, his eye flooding with hot tears that threatened to spill, as the doors opened and shut again, and tochiro left. 

•••

The hour following the one he’d spent in darkness of the bridge were- physically- brighter by contrast. Despite the dark feelings housed within him, and the hollowness he felt as he thought back to the unfair rage he’d projected onto Tochiro, he had to put on a strong face. He always did, always had. Why was it becoming so hard all of a sudden? 

The party had moved from the kitchen to the bridge- laughter and cheer filled the room as conversations and games unfolded, and Harlock stood feeling strange-like an outsider- among his own crew and family. Occasions came where he’d lock eyes with Tochiro- who was day drinking and playing card games with La Miime and some of the engineering team- and feel a repeated agony as Tochiro’s eyes quickly shifted away. 

Perhaps now would be a good time to slip away, Harlock decided. He wanted to be alone again. He could only take so much noise and lights and cheer feeling like this.

Turning to leave, he carefully kept his eyes down to avoid any stray gazes as he made his way to the door. He felt relief when he reached the doors- only to feel a sudden tug on his cloak. Hesitant to see who it was, Harlock heard Tochiro’s low voice before he saw him. “Harlock, we need to talk.” 

The captain turned slightly to face him, struggling for what to say. He wanted to sob and he wanted to apologize, but he couldn’t do that here. He didn’t like this feeling uncomfortable around Tochiro- he wanted things back to normal. But at the same time, he didn’t know if he could talk to tochiro now, lest his feelings came spilling out. He felt like he was physically straining to keep them back. He was determined to keep whatever it was he was feeling for him at bay. He struggled to speak.

But neither of them could say anything before Revi’s cheerful laugh came from beside them both. “captain, look up!” A mischievous grin played on her face as she eagerly pointed at...

A sprig of mistletoe. Harlock’s stomach filed with dread. 

This really couldnt be happening. He forced himself to smile lightly as crew members turned to see the commotion, many eyes fixed on a very cornered Tochiro and Harlock, both growing red. 

“Haha! You have to kiss!” Tadashi laughed playfully, joining Revi. 

No, no no no. What a terrible position to be in- especially after the morning’s events. He squirmed as Tochiro- very forcedly- made himself to laugh lightly, looking extremely awkward. 

Tochiro yanked harlock down, and- quickly, easily, lightly- there were children around!- pecked him on the side of his cheek. Harlock immediately felt as if he’d caught on fire with a mix of embarrassment and something else. 

Tochiro quickly avoided his gaze, fidgeting, and ignoring the hysterical laughing from the crew. “Traditions gotta be followed and all.” Tochiro chuckled. Maybe Harlock imagined it, but his deep connection with Tochiro made him feel as if there was something more he wanted to say or do. No, he told himself. Not true, it was just a thing done for laughs, that had to be done. It was a holiday- everyone was having fun.

Looking bright red, Tochiro bolted off instead of continuing their conversation. 

•••

Harlock had drifted for awhile aimlessly, unable to shake the strange warmth that had coiled itself in his chest, or the simultaneous embarrassment of what had happened in front of his crew. He’d talked not much to anyone, and only observed as festivities continued into the evening. When dinner time rolled around, he ignored his full hunger and retreated to his room. Tochiro had gone God knows where. 

He sighed with relief once he was alone, sitting on the edge of his mattress and gazing out at the open space. The Arcadia hummed on, reliable and steady as always as it sailed across the sea of stars. He closed his eyes with a deep breath, leaning into himself, purely exhausted despite doing not much all day. 

But his peace didn’t last. Dark thoughts were creeping in, memories- things he didn’t want to think about. He shook his head, as if trying to physically dispel them, as he startled himself back awake and from the dark clutches of a nightmare. Clearly, sleep wasn’t an option right now. 

A knock on his door. 

Harlock heaved a breath, and stood to go open it before it unlocked itself. Silhouetted by the light from the corridors beyond, Tochiro stood in he doorframe. 

“Hey.” Tochiro said softly, “Can I come in?” He looked cautious, as if he were approaching an enraged, wild beast. 

Harlock nodded, and Tochiro gently closed the door behind him, leaving them in a darkness penetrated only by starlight from beyond. For a moment they stood regarding each other, before Harlock gingerly sat back down onto his bed, gesturing Tochiro do the same. He did, and climbed up beside the captain, folding his hands in his lap. A moment of silence stretched on, feeling much longer than it should. 

“I- I know you’re hurting.” Tochiro began. “I know you’re in a lot of pain and you’ve been through a lot.” Suddenly, his voice faltered, and cracked with sadness. “I don’t wanna fight with you. You can get mad at me, you can push me away-“ Tochiro grabbed one of Harlock’s hands, to which the taller man jumped- “but I’m always gonna be here. I’m not going anywhere. And I-“ he stopped himself.

Harlock’s gaze met Tochiro’s, who was looking up at him desperately. “You mean more to me than anyone. We’ll always have each other. I don’t care if you get mad at me. I’m not leaving you.” 

Harlock’s mouth felt dry. He wasn’t sure what to say. His heart was pounding. Tochiro’s hands over his own comforted him and made him feel things inside he hadn’t in a long time. Hot tears threatened to spill as he looked down at his friend. “I-“ his voice was choked out by the massive lump forming in his throat. 

“It’s okay.” Tochiro murmured, now moving a hand to brush across Harlock’s cheek as he moved closer to him. “Cry. You can. You’re with me. It’s okay.” 

“There’s so much... going on.” Harlock whimpered, tears blurring his gaze. 

“I know. It’s a lot. We can work through it-together. It could take a long time, but we can.” Tochiro was crying now too. “But I’m here forever.” 

Longing tugged at Harlock’s chest as he gazed tearfully down at Tochiro. “I’m sorry for-“ But his words were cut short- Tochiro’s lips were over his own. They were kissing, and it wasn’t one like under the mistletoe. It was real and raw with emotion, sloppy, and salty with tears, but neither minded. Harlock, recovering from his initial shock, reciprocated with a passion. It felt like all of time and space froze over in that moment, and their surroundings fell away. They were alone in the universe for that single moment. When they pulled away from each other, breathing heavy, the air around them felt different. Tochiro stared into Harlock’s eye, as if measuring his reaction carefully. It was a confession, a life-changing one for them both. 

“I... have always felt very strongly for you,”  
Harlock murmured. His eye burning with affection, he brushed his hand through Tochiro’s short brown hair, and down to caress his cheek. “I love you.” 

Tochiro grinned widely, leaning against Harlock’s palm, warm against his already heat-flushed face. “I’m so glad I wasn’t stupid for doing that.” He chuckled. The shorter man wriggled himself into Harlock’s lap, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head under his chin. “I... always knew since we saw that past vision on the riverbank that we were tied together for another reason. The way I feel for you is strong enough to last lifetimes.” He said it into Harlock’s chest, who wrapped his arms around Tochiro in turn. 

Harlock remembered that riverbank vision they’d been shown. They’d been torn apart then, by both the ravages of war and death. Their encounter then had only been brief. And perhaps it would happen again- life for them was full of arrivals and departures. But the beauty of it was, for this pair, no goodbye was forever. Their love ran deep enough to bind them through the clutches of death and safely back out on the other side. They’d always have each other. Harlock nestled his face into Tochiro’s hair, kissing the top of his head and breathing deeply. “I’m glad you gave me a better kiss than the one earlier.” He breathed teasingly. Tochiro snorted with laughter in response. 

“Merry Christmas. This is a wonderful gift.” Tochiro murmured half-jokingly.

Harlock smiled against Tochiro, feeling more comfortable than he had in years. “Merry Christmas.”


End file.
